Who Am I Being?

I recently watched an inspiring TED talk given by Benjamin Zander the conductor for the Boston Philharmonic. He said something that was very profound.

“The conductor of an orchestra doesn’t make a sound. He depends, for his power, on his ability to make other people powerful. My job is to awaken possibility in other people.

You know you are doing it by looking in their eyes; they have shiny eyes. If their eyes are not shiny then you get to ask yourself a question.

Who am I being to my player that their eyes are not shiny?”


Who am I being to…

I want you to think about this question because it could be pivotal in your life. Mr. Zander’s question applies to all your relationships in your life.

I will be speaking at a seminar on fatherhood this weekend so this came at just the right time for me. It made me think about my son and daughter.

Who am I not being to my son or daughter that their eyes are not shiny?

My kids are so precious to me. In my opinion, kids are one of life’s greatest treasures. Nothing saddens me more than looking into the eyes of a child and not seeing that spark. Not seeing that vitality, that joy, that curiosity. As a father one of the most important things I can do is make sure that my kids’ eyes stay shiny.

This doesn’t mean that I give them everything they want. In fact that is the surest path that they will not have shiny eyes. Just giving them everything does not allow their character to grow. As a parent, as a father, my job is to awaken possibility in my children. Want and need are very different. Want is a short term urge, whereas need is a component of enhancement in your life.


Frozen in time.

The other day I took this picture.

Look at my son’s eyes.

Moments before this picture we were running up and down the house laughing and playing tag.

Yes, a simple game of tag.

Before that we were building planes, cars, and fortresses with Lego’s.

I share this with you so you can see that it doesn’t have to be something complicated. Actually one of the most valuable things you can give your child is your loving attention. Undivided time that you share with them, stepping into their world.




A Guarantee.

I have a bold guarantee for you.

How would you like your relationships to be an asset in your life? An asset that allows you to live more abundantly?

I can guarantee that if you focused on this one question: “Who am I being to _______, that their eyes are not shiny,”  you would transform all your relationships so that they are energizing, loving, nourishing, and allow you to live abundantly.


After reading this post, 3 possible things could happen.

1st – You will read it and think that it is a good idea but do nothing. As a result, your life and your relationships will remain the same.

2nd – You will read this and not agree. You won’t do anything and nothing will happen.

3rd – You will read this and try it out. In which case your relationships will be enhanced and give you greater abundance.

But what if what I am saying doesn’t work?

Well put it into perspective for a moment. What is the worst that could happen? Now, think to yourself, what are all the possible benefits that could come from this?

So now it is up to you.


It is time to make a choice.

What are you going to do?

If you chose option 3 and want to take action, ask…

Who is one person in your life that doesn’t have shiny eyes?

What could you BE to that person that will bring back the brilliance in that person’s eyes?





PS – I talked about my relationship with my kids but if you have a spouse or a significant other, How do you think living this out daily for him or her would transform your relationship?





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